Thursday, July 24, 2008

Enough with the Caffeine

Emma Obradovich
Yes this probably means that I am getting old. But here's the deal. I drive....A LOT. For work and for all my lame adventures, and for all of mine and Amy's family adventures. My job requires some odd hours (for a day job), and unfortunately most of the outdoor activities that I enjoy get started between 515 and 700 am, at least 30 minutes from my house. figure, just go to bed earlier, right? Well, Amy is a night owl, and is usually busy sewing, stitching, soldering, or some other bad ass Rosie the Riveter Type activity until like 4am. What does this mean for me?

That's right. Caffeine is my salvation, and through caffeine, all things are possible. Those who know me know that I got really sick last summer, and the gastroenterologist asked me how many servings I had of caffeine per day. I replied, "I don't know, like three?" (which was a total lie anyway). He thought I was lying, or an idiot, so he made me fill out a "caffeine work sheet." Apparently I was drinking not so much 3 servings a day, more like 12 to 15. MY BAD! Then I had to leave him and get some more coffee.

Fast forward almost exactly a year, and I have really backed off the caffeine. Which is hard, given my lifestyle. I drink more tea, and more water, and never get a large espresso drink anymore. But on some days, tuesday being one of those days, it's just not enough. I stopped at a gas station looking for my favorite emergency caffeinated crack pick-me-up:

Alas, Monster Loca Moca was not in stock. It's actually not that strong, and the reason I don't buy it on a daily basis is more related to the fact that there are an awful lot of useless calories in there, and I am trying to be a little more grown up about that type of crap. BUT the other afternoon I was crashing and needed something (and I HATE red bull), so I went with what appeared to be a logical choice: Rock Star Zero Carb.

Now, when your friendly neighborhood Swamp Thing picked it up out of the refrigerator case, I was SURE that the label said, "50% more caffeine than regular coffee." For me, at that moment, that was a great selling point. I drank the whole 16 oz can (like 2.5 servings) in about 15 minutes, and all of a sudden I got REAL cracked out and re-read the label. That's right, "50% more caffeine than REGULAR ROCK STAR." Not "than coffee." Plus all the guarine, tuarine, goji berries or whatever else crap is in there, windex, etc..

Dammit. I proceeded to act methed out around my boss and coworkers for the next 3 hours. I got "not enough" work accomplished and couldn't even keep my eyes focused on one thing, let alone keeping my brain focused. I went home, crashed AGAIN when the "Zero Carb" finally burned out, and did not go to the gym, or do anything useful at home that whole night. WTF.

So I am re-upping my commitment to behave myself with the caffeine (I swear it's easier with alcohol than caffeine) and keep it to 2 or 3 "real servings" a day. Now I need to go make some coffee before I head out to work....

Drinkin' black coffee, drinkin' black coffee, STARE AT THE WALL.


Tom Sorenson said...

Oofta. That's a lot of caffeine. My wife is an addict - I was wondering why there aren't any caffeine rehab centers around...I think they need to get a few started.

Swamp Thing said...

With a little willpower, I can cut it out any time. I don't get the insane headaches that other people get. Still...enough is enough!

You know how doctors are - I bet if you asked them to treat you for it, they would fine a pill and a treatment plan for you! Cha ching!

tugboatdude said...

I can't drink coffe in the summer time and work outside but in the winter watch out world.Then every spring I try and quit and more of a pain than usual to be around.

MUD said...

In 1987, I was a young Lieutenant Colonel just about to take over my first Battalion Command. I was drinking a pot of coffee in the morning and several more cups during the day. I had a heart attack where my heart just took off and beat like hell. Right to the Hospital do not pass go. It took me three days to get the heart beat right and NO, Repeat NO, Caffeine for those days in the Hospital. Between the Nitro Stat patch and the withdrawal symptoms I had a head ache so bad I couldn't sit up in bed and read. The doctor said I had no permanent damage to my heart but I severely cut down on the number of cups of coffee. A few years later, I had a bad episode of not being able to sleep. It just got worse and I thought I was losing my mind. One of my friends said it is caffeine and to stop drinking it after noon each day. I told him that he was crazy and no way could it be the effects of coffee. That day we went to Fort Riley and I didn't drink anything with caffeine in it and when I got home that night I ate supper and fell asleep on the couch. About noon the next day the wife woke me up and asked me if I was going to sleep all weekend. I damn near did and now only drink coffee in the AM and cut it off by noon. I now sleep like a baby but that's another problem not a solution. MUD

Surabhi said...

Holy Caffeine Batman. I am sure your favorite Porto Rico will be unhappy with the news that you're toning down your coffee intake. Well it's probably better for you.